David vs Goliath

Well I guess I finally got what I wished for. A misrepresentation of what really happened that fateful day.... Ok I'm lying, for the record he did take a faster way than me! Either way, please read and enjoy, I liked it even though it was at my expence.

Okay, let's make this clear. Her name is Betsy. She's a beauty with the brutal scars of 30 years of abuse. Potentially she could be a beauty with all the allure of an American muscle car. But for now she's relegated to being parked under a mango tree with rust slowly eating away at her exterior. Yeah her looks don't say much about her but her heart's in the right place and she gets me from work to home in air-conditioned comfort with radio tunes to keep me company.

It started off as pretty much any other day at the office - reqs, briefs and the dreaded client visit. Jonn graciously offered me a ride (not recommended. See below) to a monorail station carpark where Betsy rests throughout the day. The idea was for both of us to drive to the client's office before heading back home. Throughout the journey Jonn was talking about cars, screaming obscenities at other cars and other things things society would normally refer to as steaming piles of horse manure. This behaviour and talk on various cars and engines are really interesting for petrolheads like Jonn and his friends. It made my brain want to kill itself.

So anyway, as I close the Jonn's car door at the carpark, I jokingly say,

"So Jonn, I'll see you there in 10 minutes?"
"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! It'll be a miracle if you can START your car in 10 minutes"

Jonn then speeds off leaving me in a cloud of dust and sarcasm. Sigh, Jonn at his best. So I get in my car (the driver's side door doesn't lock. But then again only a raging cokehead would steal THIS car) and warm up the engine (it takes a good 5 minutes before it stops spluttering) and drive off to the client's place. I wasn't speeding because the doors might fall off. You have to understand there are some places the rust has actually eaten through the body. No, I'm not kidding.

As I pull into the client's office carpark, I tried to find the familiar Chin Chin La Killer. I couldn't. Wait, was there no parking available that Jonn had to park outside? No, there were plenty of spaces. Could I not see Jonn's car? No, contact lenses were sucking on my eyeball. Could I have been mistaken that I was here earlier than Jonn? No, IQ is too high and powers of observation are at its peak. And it was! IT WAS! I had arrived earlier than Jonn! Okay, I wasn't really that excited. Hehe, I lied, I WAS! I WAS! (epileptic monkey dance here)

I go into the guard house to sign myself in and I was there with a slow-ass security guard that smelled like death and had a problem speaking English. It took him a good 5 minutes to write out a slip for me when I see Jonn driving in. Jonn obviously isn't looking for Betsy so he parks right in front of her. As he gets out I can see his smug-ass face catch a glimpse of Betsy. His jaw drops, eyebrows furrow and he mouth the words, "What the fuck?!" The he mouths the words, "How the fuck?!" And then he mouths, "No fucking way."

As Jonn walks into the guard house all I'm doing is smiling. Jonn starts with,

"How the fuck did you get here faster than me??" "Which way did you take?" "This is fucking bullshit."
"All that power under your hood, Jonn, and it's all a waste. Tsk tsk tsk. All that talk of 128bhp and I got here faster than you!"
"Hey fuck you, man! I wasn't even racing you!"

Neither was I, Jonn. Neither was I.

P/S: I have since quit 'racing' with Jonn and have hung up my racing helmet. This 'victory' will forever be a black eye in the Chin Chin La Killer history and the crowning glory of Betsy. I can now bravely say: The Chin Chin Lah Killer sucks donkey balls.

-The Colleague